Or I won't, or I don't want to, or NAH!
Today has been a big blob of nothingness.
After having a cough for the past couple of weeks it finally seems to have disappeared over the weekend, but I woke on Monday morning feeling tired, as if I'd partied all weekend - when in reality my weekend couldn't have been further from a party... unless you're the kind who snacks, naps and watches Netflix at parties.
So I sat at my desk dutifully ready to work this morning, but my eyes felt dry and my willpower to actually confront my inbox was basically non-existent. It is moments like these that the weight of being my own boss is heavy and the self-inflicted struggle to build something of my own is not quite as appealing as polishing glasses at a beachside resort without a care in the world. So instead of wasting another hour partially doing a bit of something to the left and semi-focusing on something on the right I have instead decided I can't right now, and what I am doing instead is taking a break to acknowledge that today is maybe just a dud day, but a dud day doesn't mean I'm not moving.
A friend of mine recently asked me why "I should" be doing this or that, turns out I say "I should" a lot because of some made-up rule book I have that I always need to be achieving something. Today I felt like "I should" be at my desk because Monday and that's what people do on Monday, and new business and people relying on me, but my body wasn't saying that, my body and my brain were singing a big 'blob blob blob", and I tried to force them out of that. Very often my creative friends voice the same trouble, if we are having an off day we have all this guilt about not being productive and kicking goals, but really if you can't be your own boss and have a quiet dud day to yourself, or an "inspiration day" as my friend likes to call it, then really what's the point of being your own boss?
So shout out to all of you, who say "nope" or "not today" or "I'm just not feeling it", (particularly the self-motivating folk working for yourselves), it's ok to not always be your awesome self. Take 5, or 5 hours or just wait until tomorrow, it's ok to say I can't today.